12/9/2001

i wanted to talk about the one thing that happened that really stood out in my mind. Now there were many high points for the weekend, the dinner Friday with slave dave (his b-day) and Master David, the bar that night, the hot tub. There was also serving Master Taino sexually and otherwise. The flogging was also great as was my long delayed release. And being in His arms again and again was sublime. All those things were great but it was a simple gesture Saturday night that really melted my heart. i was wearing a pair of leather shorts and it was cold and rainy that night. the bar that night was really enjoyable. i loved just being there for Him, as His toy or boy or whatever, i was in heaven. When we left, i was already a bit chilled, and by the time W/we got back in the van, i was shivering and shaking from the cold and wet. As i said it was a simple gesture, but it meant so much some for some reason. What He did was take off His jacket and give it to me to cover my legs. Right there my heart melted and i felt so much love for Him and from Him too. Sometimes it is the little things like that say so much about a person and i liked that what it said about my Master.

12/19/01

Well, in another week i will be with Master again. and i will be signing a contract that makes me His slave. The thought of that is so exciting i can't begin to describe it. i have spent my entire life hiding who i was, even from myself. Now i have found the real me. and the real me is a born slave. and that slave has found somebody who he loves, respects and trusts. i know He is not perfect, nobody is, but right now for what i need i think He is as close to perfect as i can get.

It is a little frightening to me the strength of my feelings towards Him. i mean W/we just met 6 weeks ago. and yet i can't deny what i feel. i even find myself walking down the street repeating over and over to myself "i'm a happy little slave boy". just writing that down, knowing that Master will read it, would have been impossible not long ago. i would have been way too embarrassed to admit to doing something silly like that. now i not only feel i can bare my soul and let my walls down, i find i want to do that. i want Him to know every intimate detail in my life. For somebody who has always been so private that is saying a lot. i suppose that is part of what fuels my desire to serve Him and make Him happy. He has made me so happy already, i just want so much to make Him happy.

As the new year approaches, i can't help but marvel at how much has changed for me this past year. i stumbled my way through the leather world for a while, and slowly learned about my true nature. Now, i have met a truly wonderful man, who i love dearly and who happens to be a great Master and tells me He loves me. i love hearing Him say those words to me. i say them to Him so easily (well for me anyway). It is something i always had trouble getting out, but not anymore. i like more and more the person i can see myself becoming, with the guidance of Master. i hope i am worthy of Him.

12/22/01

He has made me happier than i have ever been, happier than i ever imagined i could be. It is like a blind man finding sight for the first time. he may know something is missing, but has no idea what it is like until he experiences it. i had no idea i could love like this, and be so happy. It is an entirely new experience it was missing from my life and i felt a void in my heart but i had no idea what it was. my whole life now feels like a prelude to what is to come. i lived and had some good times and was on occasion content. but it was like living in a world of black and white, now i am living in vibrant color! i had heard before that before you could love somebody else you have to love yourself. that may have been true in the past for me. now i love the slave person i am (or becoming), but i love him because of Master. my love for my Master came first. then through Him i am learning to love myself, and accept myself for who i am. i am a slave. i want to be His slave. i wonder if love was ever used as a training tool on a slave. it seems to work for me. the more my love grows (and it seems to grow daily) the more i want to please, to serve, to obey, to make Him happy.

1/2/02

It is a new year and appropriately enough my new life is just starting as well. For on New Year's Eve 2001 i signed a contract to become a slave. And i sit here typing this with my shiny new collar firmly locked around my neck. and i have never been happier. In fact i never ever dreamed i could be this happy. i keep being called a natural slave, and i really do feel that is what i am. i must be, why else would i be so happy in a state that most people would hate? So i have my accepted my nature and my fate and have come to love my calling. i can say it proudly "i am a slave". i am Master Taino's slave. i want to be good at this, i want to make my Master happy. When i do make Him happy, then i know i have fulfilled my calling. i have done what i was born to do and in the end it makes me happy.

So many times during the past week i would just be on my knees kneeling in front of my Master and i knew, just knew that this is where i belong. This is where i want to be, hopefully forever, but for as long as possible anyway. Nothing has ever fulfilled me like this before. So i know for sure that i am slave. a natural slave. i even get hard just writing this, just thinking about it.

i will concentrate on being a good slave, on pleasing and serving my Master. i will trust my Master to help me resolve any worries that i have. it is so comforting for me to think i have somebody to guide me, to give me advice and tell me what to do. At work today i would feel my collar around my neck and think about my Master and suddenly i would feel calmer, more at ease. So i know that is how i will find peace and happiness. i will find it in my Master. i will trust him to resolve my doubts. i know He is only human and can't solve every problem, but so far He has done just that for me. So that is where i am. i know i am a slave. i know i love my Master dearly. i also know that i have some doubts, but i trust Him and i know if my doubts can be erased, He will be the one to do it. So i will not worry about those doubts. i will just worry about being a good slave, Master Taino's good slave.